Men Without Women, Part 3: The Withdrawal Method

Men cannot coexist with women in the current state of affairs. We destroy women, we destroy each other, we destroy everything around us. We grab, we feed, we spit.

There’s been a call for female separatism for decades. I’m behind it. Women should abstain from interacting with men when possible. Women should carve out their own communities, create their own supports, glom together into a terrifying mass to overthrow entrenched patriarchy.

Then again, as I stated (via extreme metaphor) in the last post in this series, that would be awfully bad for men. So if we want a place in the world of women, we’re going to have to pull ourselves together and show that we deserve one. Not to mention that just by being around, we get in the way of female separatism.

I advocate male separatism. OMG FLAMETHROWERS DOWN. This is not Promise Keepers, or a weekend at hunt’n camp, or Southern Decadence. No Tyler Durden, no Fight Club, no space monkeys. Nor is it “getting in touch with our feminine side”. That’s strawman rhetoric used to dickwhip men back into line.

Men must separate from women because our presence alone carries the banner of oppression. We are a constant revolving red light, a siren, a warning of imminent danger. We must understand this and expose others to that threat as little as possible.

Men must separate from other men because we are pornsick, we are dickwhipped, and we will crush each other into line.

Let me approach it from the back end. I talked about female spirituality in post 1 of the series. To be female is to be spiritual, whether it’s seen in a metaphysical context or a simple day-to-day frame of mind. We have an anti-spiritualist bent in modern culture, and I absolutely believe that it is part of a general tactic of separating women from each other and from themselves. We don’t understand what spiritualism is anymore; we equate it with religion, or with new-age tomfoolery. We dismiss it, the same way men dismiss everything. That’s how we define our power as men: only those things worthy of men’s attention have any worth at all, and if we refuse to pay attention to something (someone), it (she) has no worth.

Secret: men are spiritual, too. To be male is to be spiritual. Maleness has value, a value we’ve dragged in the mud, ripped into threads, and pawned. We’ve replaced our value as males with dick-waving and chest-beating. Wall Street and the greasy Gulf of Mexico, which makes me cry at least every other day now; that’s what we got when we traded away our real nature.

Most men-focused spiritual traditions in the modern day talk about power. Reclaim your true power, own your life, get respected for your wisdom / discipline / penis. Grasp this, accrue that, rise above other people. It’s endemic. I’ve already had to consciously steer away from it while writing this post. It’s a convenient way to establish your view among men: speak to their desire for power.

But male spirituality is hampered by power. Power, respect, ownership all play to the self, away from interconnectedness – if there’s a web between people at all, then the man is at the center, a gravity dip into which the goodness of the world will roll if only he has the discipline to take it. How many of those dips can the world support? We’ve already got too many dips running around.

Instead of being a dip, why not take a cue from women. When women are in control, they live sustainably, communally, interdependently. In that framework, men have fulfilling roles, peace, happiness – but only when they, too, live sustainably, communally, interdependently. This is human communal spirituality: the recognition of something other than our individual selves, the understanding that there is a communal identity which is made of us but is not simply a collection of “me”s.

It heals us of shame, because we recognize each other as whole parts within a whole community, warts and all; we rely on each other in a way that words like “responsibility” and “accountability” can’t possibly convey, because those words are merciless and inhuman. It drives us to learn, because we value what others know; we spark each other’s interests. It robs us of violence, because we are a communal body of whole parts, and a lung never whacked a kidney just for the hell of it.

Men who carry ideas of power, respect, and ownership centered on themselves cannot fit into that framework. They are dangerous, and not in the leather-clad bad boy sense. More like a blind dog who’s been kicked in the head too often and doesn’t know how to be civil anymore. Or like a cancerous cyst, a little nodule that doesn’t operate within the whole, which grabs more to itself until it kills the whole.

Modern society revolves around such men. The modern world is designed to prevent true community from ever arising. We are anti-connection, anti-relationship, anti-intimacy. Thus the “sex-positive” movement, with its hookups; the anti-monogamy stance, which has burrowed so deep that everyone from frat boys to radfems are threatened by responsibility in relationships; the anti-child rage, which screams that no decent person should have to deal with other people’s unruly spawn. And, of course, anti-feminism, because seeking deeper and healthier connections, relationships, and intimacy are inherently feminist.

So how do men who wish to live among women – men who know that we must separate ourselves first to earn the privilege to do so – go about it? What do we do? I’ve got a few thoughts, a list, and I hope you’ll add to it:

  • Seek out other men who wish to live among women. Acknowledge each other. Go ahead and make friends. We’ve got to establish community.
  • Hold each other accountable. Not just with regards to keeping anti-feminism at bay, but also being accountable to behaviors which increase sustainability, community, and interdependence.
  • Don’t allow group polarization to set in. (Here it’s handy to have a few female separatist contacts to exchange ideas with every so often. I’m not sure how that’s gonna work out. :P )
  • Seek spirituality. Meditate. Take up a craft or an art form. Find an outlet which allows you to trance. Rejoice in the spirituality of other separatist men.
  • Remember the female spiritual context in which you must exist. Act as if it’s there. It is there; it’s a naturally arising system. We’ve just done a bang-up job of masking it.
  • Be intimate, and ache for more intimacy.
  • And as almost the same point as the one above: be celibate.

CLIFFHANGER ALERT: Celibacy is a BIG ISSUE and it needs its OWN POST. I believe it is necessary, and I want to keep you hanging on it. Think it over. What does celibacy mean to you? What is your immediate reaction? What attitudes about sex and privilege underly that reaction? I’ll also spend time talking about what male spirituality is, since I spent most of this post declaring what it isn’t.

Also, we’ve still got to examine what the world will look like when men exist with women. Stay tuned. :)

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